Naps Don’t Have to Be Stressful
Believe it or not, naps do not need to be the bane of our existence as parents. If you’re feeling this way, I can absolutely relate. In our home, we began our parenting journey very stressed about naps (and sleep in general). In the hospital, I held Q while she slept, but the nurses made sure to tell us not to hold her too much once we got home. “Be sure to put her down some of the time, or else she’ll get used to being held. She’ll never sleep on her own.”
So when we got home, I attempted to put Q down for some of her naps, but she would wake up 5-10 minutes later. I felt like a complete and utter failure. Why wasn’t my baby sleeping like she was supposed to?
This continued for quite some time. I did finally realize that I would only get a good nap out of Q if she slept on me, in a carrier, or in the car. Once I adopted this change in mindset, everything began to shift. I let go of my need to control Q’s sleep, accepted where we were, and created routines that worked for us. I shut out the noise that we were supposed to be doing something different. This was working for us, and that’s what mattered. The laundry could wait. The dishes could wait. My baby was only going to be this little once, and she needed me.
Here are some ways I embraced the contact nap/car nap:
Baby-wear! Our baby wrap was a game changer. We used it for almost every nap in the beginning, and it allowed me to still get some things done around the house while Q slept soundly on my warm body. Win-win!
Allow myself to take a true break and enjoy the cuddles. Sometimes we get so caught up in what needs to get done around the house while the baby naps that we forget to take care of ourselves.
Set up a snack/water station next to the glider in the nursery. I’ve always struggled with staying hydrated and remembering to eat during the day. By keeping some Lara bars and water bottles next to the glider in Q’s room, I used her contact nap as a time to take care of my well-being.
Enjoy some books/audiobooks, podcasts, music, or meditation. Contact naps were a great time for me to catch up on podcast episodes!
Take a scenic drive, grab a coffee, and recharge outside the house! Nap drives were some of my favorite times for myself. It gave me the opportunity to treat myself to a nice coffee, enjoy the scenery, and ultimately get out of the house during the day. I know not all babies sleep well in the car, so I acknowledge this is not an option for everyone.
Take a nap with the baby! Follow the Safe Sleep 7, but it is okay to nap next to your baby while they nap. Sometimes it’s the reset we all need to get through the rest of the day. Again, the laundry can wait.
Even though I let go of some control about the location of Q’s nap, I still obsessed about wake windows and schedules. I would get immensely frustrated if we weren’t able to stick to her schedule, if her naps were too short, or if I couldn’t get her to sleep easily. What I didn’t realize was that my emotions became her emotions. Young babies and children cannot regulate their own emotions, so they look to us for guidance. They co-regulate with our emotions. So if we are stressed, they are stressed. I don’t know about you, but I can’t settle enough to sleep if I’m stressed.
Here are some mindset shifts that I eventually adopted that completely changed the game for us:
I cannot control my daughter’s sleep. No matter how much I wanted to, or how much I tried, it was ultimately out of my control.
Every baby is different. Just because another baby of the same age needs X amount of daytime sleep with specific wake windows does not mean that the same thing will work for us. I had always read that “sleep begets sleep.” So I tried to extend naps for as long as possible during the day. While this is true of some babies, my baby was the opposite. She actually started sleeping longer stretches at night when I started capping her naps during the day so she did not get too much sleep. This is proof that there is no “one-size-fits-all” approach to infant sleep!
It’s okay to take a break and try again later. Sometimes I would get so frustrated at nap time if Q wouldn’t settle down to sleep. It would take up to an hour of rocking, nursing, bouncing, and crying (from both of us) to get her down. What a horrendous experience all around! Once I started tuning into Q’s sleepy cues, realizing that maybe she wasn’t quite tired yet, and letting go of control again, things began to shift. Now, if I’m struggling to get her down for her nap, I take a 15-30 minute break, let her play, and we try again. There’s no sense getting so upset about something that is completely out of my control!
Now, at 20 months old, my daughter is a nap champion. We still rock to sleep, but I am able to transfer her to her bed, and she sleeps like a rock. Of course we still have our days when we struggle, but since I’ve become more relaxed about sleep, she is more relaxed about sleep. I no longer sweat the small stuff.
I hope you can feel empowered to let go of some of the control around naps, meet your baby where they are, and embrace those snuggles while you can. They’re only little once.