Bedtime Routines
Babies and Children Thrive on Routines.
Why is this? Babies and children love predictability. Routines and structure in their day help them to feel secure. As their caregivers, we are in charge of creating the routines that work best for us and our families.
In our family, we created a bedtime routine very early. My partner works long hours, and this was a time that he could really be involved in our daughter’s everyday routine. Our goal was to make bedtime a calm and relaxing time for all of us to connect. I believe this connection piece is the most important aspect of any bedtime routine. Sleep is the biggest separation children face from us, and this is extremely difficult for many children to cope with. The younger the child, the more this holds true. In order for children to be able to hold onto us throughout the night, they need plenty of time to connect with us throughout the day. The bedtime routine is the final point of connection before a long stretch of separation, so it’s important to give it the attention it deserves.
Early in my daughter’s life, we started with a very simple routine with books and lullabies, and we have added to the routine as our daughter has entered into toddlerhood. She has slept in our room since she was born, so she is not completely separated from us for the duration of the night. She does sleep for the first few hours in our room before we go to bed
My daughter, Q, is currently 19 months old, and this is what her bedtime routine looks like:
Active Play about 30 minutes prior to bedtime - This works very well for our family. Q loves roughhousing, especially with her Daddy. During this time, they often chase each other, jump or dance together, or do somersaults.
Q Picks Out Her Pajamas - As many of you with toddlers know, the more they can be involved in the daily routine, the smoother things typically go. Q knows which drawer to open to find her pajamas, chooses a pair, and puts them on the bed where we get her ready later in the routine.
Warm Bath with Lavender-Infused Epsom Salts (Nightly), Soap Every 3-4 Nights - We added this part of Q’s routine around age 7-8 months. I found that she calmed down much more quickly on the nights we gave her a bath, but I knew using soap every night would dry out her skin. Someone suggested Epsom salts, and I located some on Amazon for children that contained lavender essential oils. The lavender and the magnesium in the salts really help relax Q after her active play and signal to her body that bedtime is coming. My partner and I do this part Q’s routine together.
Magnesium Goodnight Lotion Nightly, Body Lotion on Soap Nights - The magnesium lotion was another later addition to the routine. We have been doing lotion since the early days, and we tried implementing infant massage for a while, but Q really did not enjoy it, so we eliminated it! Many infants love massage, but it didn’t work well for our family. I do this part of the routine while my partner fills the humidifier and gets Q’s vitamins ready.
Pajamas and Sleep Sack - Most nights, we also sing a few fun songs while I get her dressed.
Q Picks Two Books - This is another part of the routine in which Q has some ownership. She loves this.
Books and Vitamins with Daddy - My partner has read bedtime stories with Q since very soon after she was born. They share a love for books, and they adore having this ritual together.
Turn on Humidifier and White Noise - This is my job while my partner reads books with Q.
Brush Q’s Teeth - This is a joint effort, as Q really despises having her teeth brushed. It’s a work in progress!
Mom Sings, Nurses, and Rocks Q to Sleep - I have been singing the same songs to Q since she was in the womb, and I swear she recognized them when very soon after she was born. This trio was the combination that I used to get Q to sleep from the very beginning, and it makes my heart happy that we have done it for 19 months and are still going strong.
Transfer Q to Sidecar Crib - The sidecar crib has been a game changer in our sleep journey. I’d love to share more about this at a later time! Thankfully, we have gotten to the point where I can transfer Q to her crib and enjoy some time with my partner after she’s asleep.
Our entire family loves the bedtime routine we’ve created. Along the way, there have been elements that we have omitted or added when things weren’t working for us. In the near future, we plan to move Q to a floor bed in her own room, so we will begin to change the routine again in order to better bridge the separation she will face.
Each family should create a routine that feels right for them. Trust that you know what’s best for you and your unique family! Use this time to connect with your child, and you will succeed.